Marriage Advice -
Top 3 Intimacy Factors
Studies have been done that show that over time in
relationships intimacy diminishes. The studies looked at several factors
like frequency of touch, eye contact, verbal connection, and other factors.
And across the board in most relationships and marriages intimacy factors
decrease over time.
This means that the longer you are in a relationship, the less intimacy you
are likely to experience as a couple. Over a long period of time, you can
end up feeling more like roommates.
However, it doesn't have to be this way. There are lots of things you can do
to keep the intimacy thriving in your relationship. Here are three simple
things you can do every day to actually improve your experience of intimacy:
Step One: Engage in more small, connective talk. It may surprise you, but
small talk that connects has been demonstrated to be a big deal in creating
more intimacy. The studies found that the more small talk, the less big blow
out fights partners have. Further, they show that lovers report more
satisfaction in their marriages where they had more small connective talk
about little things and observations during their day.
Step Two: Nonsexual physical contact. Look, intimacy leaves clues. How often
you hug or touch your mate, how often you look them in the eye made a big
difference in lovers reported feelings of intimacy or lack thereof. Aim to
have six hugs or rubs a day with your mate. Touch them! And, look your mate
right in the eye when talking. These simple things actually affect our
experience of intimacy.
Sexual contact on a regular basis is of course good
for relationships. We all know this. But developing regular non
sexual physical contact habits will help you both experience a lot more
intimacy over time in your marriage.
Step Three: Gratitude and appreciation. The more you each take some time to
appreciate what you've got, the more intimacy you will experience and feel.
It's normal to think of what's missing or what's wrong. Finding three things
a day you appreciate about your life and your mate helps you to express more
affection, which leads to more feelings of intimacy.
Gratitude is easy. It takes only ten seconds
to focus on the positives. Try this for yourself and see what
difference it makes.
There are, of course, many other factors that impact our experience of
intimacy over time in marriage. However, practicing just these three things
each day can actually add a greater experience of affection and intimacy
between you long term.
There is much more relationship intelligence that can help your relationship
to thrive, not just survive. Studying and adding to your relationship skills
by practicing intimacy can pay off for years.
Another thing you can do to add to your
intimacy is Play. Here's the equation. The more play, the less
fighting. The more fighting, the less play. How much play you
have in your relationship determines its quality, to a large degree.
The more of one you have, the less of the other, so add some play time with
your lover regularly.
There are entire books that can be and have been
written about each of these topics, so this is obviously just an
introduction, but these are a great place to start to improve your marriage