There are a few things we all want bottom line in
our marriages and one of those things is intimacy. That feeling of close
connection with our spouse. It is a basic need that drives us to get
married. Yet after we get into a relationship we find that intimacy can slip
from our grasp and out of our love life.
Sometimes this happens fast, through arguments and
conflict, and other times it happens slowly, from neglect.
Intimacy then can become elusive over time in our marriage. It can even get
to the point where we miss it so much we have an affair or leave our mate
altogether. If we aren't getting it from the person we're with, we feel we
have to search for it from another.
When it comes to useful marriage guidance, the point is that we all have
intimacy needs "hardwired" into us. Babies can die without human touch. And,
of course, women and men have different basic methods for getting these core
intimacy needs met.
Men equate intimacy with sex. One of the primary ways men go about getting
their intimacy needs met is through sex. When they feel the need to be
close, they want sex. After climax, they often retreat behind their walls
until the intimacy need builds up and they want sex again.
On the other hand, women can feel intimate in a larger number of ways. Sex
is great, and they can feel intimate just through talking and being around
other people. It isn't just physical for women most of the time.
So sex is a great way to experience deeper love and intimacy, but it is no
guarantee. You can have sex and not actually feel that close to the other
person at times. Intimacy is something that you need to keep a focus on, or
it can slip away. Sex should be just one part of marriage guidance in
fulfilling your intimacy needs in relationship.
Verbal communication can also be a powerful way to experience intimacy, but
it isn't in the talking. We all know you can talk with someone and feel no
intimacy whatsoever. Intimacy in communication comes from feeling heard and
understood by your spouse, accepted and not judged, among other things.
Here's some marriage guidance for you: Intimacy does not have to be
something that you lose over time with your mate, or struggle a lifetime to
gain. You can learn to create it on purpose in your relationships with some
focus and simple shifts in behavior. Just communicating more from the heart,
making your mate feel heard and understood, can promote more intimacy
regularly in your relationship.
Go here for marriage guidance advice on 3
Top Intimacy Factors.
There are entire books that can be and have been
written about marriage guidance, so this is obviously just an introduction,
but this is a great place to start to improve your marriage today.